Worrying

It has been a rough couple of days with anxiety, and it all has to do with baby boy's lack of movement.  It's impossible for me not to worry when his activity levels drop off so drastically, as they've done for both yesterday AND today. I mean, I have hardly felt him move at all, and I just can't help but worry. My mind automatically jumps to the worse case scenario, which is that he's gone. Then, after I use the doppler and find that he is indeed still alive, my next worry is that while he might not be dead YET, something is definitely wrong. Why isn't he moving? My fear is that something is wrong with him, either developmentally or maybe it's something having to do with the chord. Maybe he's slowing down because he's losing blood supply. I don't know WHAT is wrong, but as we are heading into the end of day TWO with barely a noticeable movement, I am finding it hard not to panic. How can a baby go from moving so much more only a few days ago, to nothing for 2 entire days? I've tried all the tricks too: drinking juice and then laying down, shining a flashlight on my belly, tapping my belly, and many other crazy things I wish I didn't have to subject him to! But none of it works. What is going ON in there?

I hope I'm crazy and that this can be normal, but everything I read on various forums makes me think that most babies are super active by 25 weeks, and that MY baby is not moving the way the rest of them are. I can't help it. I am terrified. I'm convinced that now that I've bought all of these things for him, we're going to lose him after all.

I have an OB appointment tomorrow, where I'm assuming he'll tell me his usual pat answer that "every kid is different", and that my anxiety is ridiculous. I would love to have an encouraging appointment instead, where he'd maybe listen to my worries and at least try to understand where I am right now. We shall see, but I won't hold my breath. If this appointment had been a few days ago when Nolan was a lot more active, I might have actually pulled off a "normal pregnant lady" appointment, per my mom's request, but now it looks that aint gonna happen.

Please pray that Nolan is perfectly fine, and that he starts moving around like crazy SOON. Because this mama can't take much more of this off and on again game. I told my husband tonight that I can't handle this for 15 more weeks. I am a wreck. I just want to hold this baby in my arms and then bring him home with me, but on days like today I really can't believe that will actually happen.