Someone Else's Life

The song "Someone Else's Life" by Joshua Radin makes me cry every time I hear it, which is often since it's on my Ipod and frequently comes on when I'm driving around. It's a beautiful, haunting song. But it's more than that. There are many songs right now that remind me of the baby boy growing inside me, the overwhelming love I feel for him, the gripping fear of losing him and really just the awe I feel that this is actually happening. To me. In my life that had gotten so dark for so long.

This song in particular touches me because as I've already written about in other posts, I DO feel like I'm living someone else's life. I often feel like this is a dream that will only last for so long before I have to wake up and let go of the hope this baby has brought me. I feel a mixture of shyness and quiet pride about what is happening to my body right now, and often get so uncomfortable when other people take notice of my growing belly. It's like I still think no one else can really tell, but then I see my reflection somewhere and experience a small shock at the realization that no, I actually LOOK pregnant. I AM pregnant. This is real, and it's happening. To me. I have been pregnant for 25 weeks, and somehow I still can't believe it.

We took the plunge and ordered some major items this week: A crib, a bassinet, and sheet set for our baby boy. While that was scary, it still doesn't feel real to me. Maybe when it actually arrives at our door and I am forced to see the physical evidence of our baby's pending existence... maybe then it will start to feel like more of a reality? Irregardless, I'm proud of myself for making the purchases, despite the heavy fear that I would place the order only to go into pre-term labor before we ever even get the chance to assemble it. It looks like those fears are here to stay, and unless I want to wait until after our little man is born to buy what he'll need, I'm just going to have to keep working on trying to believe this really is MY life I'm living right now.

Here are the lyrics to the song, as well as a link to the video. Just imagine me singing it to my baby, and you'll get why it makes me cry. I want to meet my baby boy more than anything. Please God, let us have this baby to bring home and raise as our son.

Click here for the video: Someone Else's Life

Somehow I'm leading someone else's life
I cut a star down with my knife
And right now I still see the way the moon plays this tune
Though our nights died

My hands shake
My knees quake
It's everyday
Same way

'Cause then came you
Then there's you
I keep your picture in my worn through shoes

Then there's you
Then came you
When I'm lost I look at my picture of you

And somehow I'll make tonight our own
Show you every way I've grown since I met you

And right now I'll be the boy in your next song
I'll learn the parts and play along if you let me

My hands shake
My knees quake
It's everyday
Same way

'Cause then came you
Then there's you
I keep your picture in my worn through shoes

Then there's you
Then came you
When I'm lost I look at my picture of you

If you let me I'll show the world to you
Yes
If you let me I'll know just what to do

'Cause then came you
Then there's you
I keep you picture in my worn through shoes

When I'm lost in your eyes I see the way for me