So maybe he'll just be a boxer...

School is kicking my butt.

No really, it's not that bad at all and most of the time I'm actually really enjoying being back. But I am dead-tired by the end of the day, and can't seem to do much but lay around on the couch from the time I get home until bed. On the plus side though, the days/weeks are already flying by, and that's awesome.

I'm 28 weeks as of Tuesday, and that means I'm officially in the 3rd trimester. That is something I truly thought I'd never get to say. Actually, it still doesn't feel real to me.

As reassuring as that is, I had a rough few days starting last weekend when I wrote about my clenched fists fear. I am now doing much better about that, but I really feel like I reached a low point during that whole ordeal (was it even an ordeal, or did I just create something to worry about?). I think it's b/c after reading so much about the clenched hands thing online (I really want to swear off the internet for all-things baby, but know I'll never follow through), and realizing there was very little GOOD to be said about that tendency, my sweet baby boy decided it was good time to take one of his quiet spells and just stop moving for, oh, a good 5 days. Actually, he's still not moving as much as before. This all led to my rapidly growing panic, and I found that no matter what I did, prayed, or said I just could NOT shake the funk I was in. I was convinced that something was wrong with him and that we'd never get a healthy baby. Not ever. Because as I've said before, a very strong-willed part of my brain still firmly believes that healthy pregnancies and babies just don't happen to me. My body kills babies and produces crappy eggs, and that's that. Of course I want desperately to be proven wrong, and I pray every day I will be in 11.5 weeks, but that thought is just so deeply ingrained in my psyche that it's proving very difficult to change.

Anyway, after a weekend of freaking out, scaring my husband (he did his own reading on the topic and even he was shaken a bit), and getting in a fight with my mom (who is now convinced I don't even WANT to be happy or enjoy this pregnancy b/c I create shit to worry about... thanks, mom), I was really looking forward to calling the phone nurse on Monday to hopefully put my mind at ease. Only when I went to call, I got a message saying the office was closed that day due to them trying to switch everything over from paper files to electronic files. Wonderful. That just meant one more night of worrying.

Tuesday, before I got to my lunch hour when I could call, the nurse called ME to inform me that I had not passed my glucose test the week before and would need to go back in for the 3 hour follow-up test. Oh joy of joys. This was NOT what I expected at all, as I am not overweight and am about as healthy as you could be. I don't eat a lot of sugar at all and I walk every day. But still, my levels came back at 149 and apparently 140 is the limit, so it's back to the lab I go. I know this is very common and not a huge deal, it just wasn't what I expected to hear. The good news is that there is a lab that's open on Saturdays, so I don't have to take a day off work to go do this. I was most annoyed by the idea of wasting a sick day, when I'm really trying to save all of those for my maternity leave this winter! Luckily I won't have to do that, as I'll go in Saturday morning instead.

Anyway, when the nurse called, I was able to also ask her my question about the fists, and she really helped me put the issue to rest. She basically said "NO WAY, that is not true at ALL." She said it's an old wive's tale if anything, and that fists up by the face is the most common position for babies to be in during an ultrasound because it's a natural reflex for them. She said it's far LESS common to see those little hands open because that requires baby to be extremely relaxed, and usually during an ultrasound they're not. She also assured me that it is highly unlikely they wouldn't have seen other markers or indicators of a problem by this point, such as facial features, heart defects or a nuchal fold issue, and we have not seen anything out of the ordinary with him. So I felt reassured after talking to her and I think I can let this issue go, thankfully!

I have also decided his lack of movement this week is due to his awkward positioning, which I still can't really figure out. It feels like his back is pushing out on my right side, and his feet are down low, basically at the bottom of my uterus. I'm almost positive he is breech again, which is frustrating, but I don't really care so long as he's alive in there. It does mean I feel a lot less movement, and whatever I do feel is REALLY low. The whole right side of my belly is super hard and lumpy feeling, and it kind of creeps us out to think we are pushing on his little back or head when we feel my belly. And while the decreased movement is less than reassuring on a daily basis, it doesn't make me panic anymore. His heartrate is always great, and when I eat a meal and lay on my side after dinner, he does give me lots of movements... just lower than they'd normally be. I even felt hiccups again this afternoon, but it's so strange to feel those almost down to my pubic line. Flip around little guy! I want to feel his feet poking my ribs, not by lower abdomen. Hopefully 11 weeks is still enough time for him to reposition himself the right way. He IS a big boy already though, so I don't know how much longer he'll really have room for that type of flipping over.

So I am doing much better than I was at the start of the week, and I'm hoping it stays that way. I think I'm done reading the online pregnancy forums (they mostly annoy me anyway), and I will do my best to stay away from any type of Google search too. Meanwhile, I'm thankful for a job that offers a HUGE distraction and that will inevitably make this last trimester fly by! Because I've said it before and I'll say it again: I really just suck at being pregnant. :)

Sincerely,
The crazy girl