My last day of teaching was Thursday, November 29th. My official last day of work was Friday the 30th, which was just a teacher work day. Finishing up with work before starting maternity leave was the best feeling ever, like the start of summer vacation, only 10 million times better. I knew I was leaving for 15 weeks, and that when I came back to work this time I would finally, after all this time, be a mother. And yet, it still didn't really feel real.
Phil and I spent that weekend doing the things we normally do: We caught up on our shows on TV (Dexter, Homeland, Grey's Anatomy, Modern Family, The Middle), we ordered pizza, we went out for breakfast at the Omelet Shoppe, we ran errands and did laundry. All the while, we were acutely aware of the fact that this would be our last weekend as a couple without children. We wanted to do the things that won't always be so easy to do, and yet at the same time we were feeling SO ready and excited to be done with that chapter in our lives. Through all of the running around town, there in our backseat was the little red car seat, all buckled in and ready for our baby boy. I found myself constantly glancing back there, letting myself imagine doing these same errands with another person present. Again, it didn't really seem real or possible that this reality was only a few days away.
Monday was Phil's last day of work, and it was also our last day pre-baby. He got up and went to the bank, while I did my best to sleep in. I remember wanting to sleep as late as possible so that the day would pass all the more quickly. Really though, I hadn't been able to sleep much later than 7am or so for quite some time. I enjoyed a relaxing morning, caught up on some last-minute work emails, took a long walk, and finished packing my hospital bag as well as the baby's. Then, at 1:50, my mother-in-law arrived at the airport and my mom and I went to pick her up. The three of us went to get lunch at the Rolling Hills Cafe, and then Cindy (my mother-in-law) and I drove out to visit my husband at the bank where he works in Suttons Bay. By then it was about closing time and was getting dark, so after our visit, we headed back to our house to wait for Phil to get home.
When Phil got home, we headed out to my parents' house for a wonderful chicken dinner with both of our families. We visited and chatted, and then suddenly it was nearing 10 pm so Phil and I decided we better head home to get ready for the big day. First though, we stopped at Meijer. I had decided last minute that I really wanted a knee-length bathrobe to wear in the hospital, and Meijer was the only place open that late. We didn't find what we were looking for, but once again, I was aware of how easy it was for us to do this quick errand, and that starting the next day even simple trips to the store were going to become more complicated. And I couldn't wait for that to be true. Still, it all felt so surreal to me.
I still had to shower after we got home, as my pre-surgery instructions told me to shower the 2 nights before the c-section, as well as the morning of, with this special anitbacterial soap. Some of the instructions seemed ludicrous to me (use a clean towel after showering for the 3 days prior to surgery, as well as clean sheets each day, no shaving for 3 days before, no deodorant of make-up the day of, nothing to eat or drink after midnight the day before, etc.), but I of course followed directions carefully, knowing I would do everything within my power to get this baby here safely.
We stayed up pretty late that last night, I think anticipating that neither of us was really going to sleep too well anyway. Eventually though, we did get to sleep, and I slept better than I had expected. Again the next morning, I stayed in bed as long as possible, wanting the time to pass quickly. We were to check in at the hospital at 11 am, and as I couldn't eat anything that morning, I put off getting up knowing I would just get hungrier and hungrier. I was laying there in my bed with my hands on my belly, relishing my last hours of feeling my sweet boy moving around inside of me, trying to convince myself that in just a few more hours I would get to feel those movements and hiccups in real life, outside of my womb. It was an emotional morning, but so amazing at the same time. I was in disbelief that after all that time, after all the heartache and sadness, finally we had arrived at a due date that was going to end the way it's meant to.
We live literally 3 blocks from the hospital, so a little before 11am, we loaded up the car and headed over. We got there at the same time as my parents and Phil's mom were arriving, so we were able to hug them before heading back to get prepped for surgery. We had brought enough bags of stuff to last us for a week, and we brought all of these bags back with us into recovery, since they didn't have a private room ready for us quite yet. Right away they had me get undressed and climb onto a bed so they could start monitoring the little guy, as well as to get my IV hooked up and running. Phil had to put his one-piece scrubs on over his clothes and shoes, and then he was ready to go too. We sat in the recovery area for nearly 2 hours, while various nurses and doctors came back to check on things and talk to us. The most uncomfortable part of the whole thing, for me, was having the catheter placed in my bladder. It made me feel like I had a horrible UTI, but I was told that was normal and that it would go away once I had the spinal block. Other than that, Phil and I both had our books (or Kindles) and filled the extra time either reading or watching the NST monitor with our baby's heart rate. Again, I couldn't believe that in such a short amount of time, that little heart would be beating outside of my body. I took a video of it to remember:
Here's Phil in his scrubs and me waiting to get hooked up to my IV before surgery:
Once my doctor got there, about 12:30 or so (I was scheduled for 1pm), things really started to feel more real. This was really going to happen. I got more and more excited, but also more and more nervous. It was, again, completely surreal to me. When everyone was finally prepped and ready, they had me get up and walk into the operating room, which was very strange and dream-like. They had me climb up on the table and straddle the two sides, so they could get the spinal block in. This was uncomfortable due to the catheter, but it was also done very quickly and then they had me lay down on my back. There were what felt like at least 10 people in there: various doctors, nurses, and also some nursing students who had asked to be present. I think the last time I looked at the clock before they had me lay back it was about 1:20 pm. They put up the partition so I couldn't see what was going on, and finally they brought Phil in to be with me. After that, everything happened so incredibly quickly. They told us my Dr. was going to start, and I could feel some pulling going on. Then, literally 1 or 2 minutes later, they were telling Phil to look because they were going to pull the baby out. I felt my Dr. pushing pretty hard on my abdomen, which was quite uncomfortable (but I knew it was coming because they had explained what it would be like before we started), and then suddenly it was over! Phil kept telling me what he was seeing and I remember being so comforted when he'd say things like "He's beautiful. He looks perfect! It's amazing." I heard my OB say he was perfect too, and then I heard the most incredible, beautiful sound I will ever hear in my life... I am crying now just remembering it. When my baby first cried, I just lost it. I sobbed and sobbed and couldn't stop. All these years and all this time of thinking I would never ever get to hear my baby's first cry, and now suddenly here it was. I couldn't stop crying, but they were the happiest tears I have ever cried. Someone handed me a kleenex, and I watched as they brought our baby over to the warming table to clean him off and do his measurements. Still, he cried, and still I cried too. I prayed every single day that my baby would cry big, hearty cries when he was born, because I just had so much anxiety about him being stillborn or having something go wrong. What a huge blessing it was then, to hear him just cry and cry that whole time. I literally felt like I was in heaven in those moments. Phil finally was able to bring him over to me and when he put him up by my face I honestly just couldn't believe how incredibly perfect and beautiful he was.
Charles William Moore (Charlie) was born at 1:28 pm, weighing 8.2 pounds and measuring 20.5 inches long. He came out wide eyed and looking around. He is named after both of his grandfathers, with Charlie being my dad's name, and William being my husband's dad's name. Charles is also my husband's middle name, as well as his uncle's name (his dad's twin brother), and his paternal grandfather's name. So it's a huge family name! And we love it. :) Little Charlie just fits him so perfectly. The whole thing took about 8 minutes from start to finish, and I still just can't believe how FAST it all happened. Meanwhile, they were working quickly to get me stitched up and ready for recovery, where I finally got to HOLD my little miracle... again, another amazing moment of my life I will never, ever forget. I felt pretty foggy during this whole time due to all of the anesthesia, but thankfully I remember every detail clearly. When my mom came back to see Charlie for the first time, she helped me get him to my breast, where he latched on right away (my mom was a lactation consultant when she was a nurse at this very same hospital before she retired). My husband, my mom, my dad and my mother-in-law all took turns coming back to see Charlie, take pictures, etc. We watched him get his first bath, get his official measurements and footprints, and get dressed for the first time. They gave him a cute little green hat that looked so adorable on him. :)
When my OB came by to congratulate us, he told us Charlie's cord had been wrapped rather tightly around his neck two times, and that most likely that was why he had never flipped into the head-down position before birth. I had felt deep down all along that he had remained breech for a reason, and was so thankful when I heard that that he had stayed head-up and that we hadn't tried to manually flip him. My mom worked in the NICU for 16 years, and I know how dangerous cord accidents can be with oxygen supplies being cut off during delivery, and I am just so thankful that Charlie knew what he was doing by not flipping around.
Ultimately, the c-section was fine, even if it was not what I had originally wanted. Once I heard about the cord though, I was happy that things turned out the way they did. And the recovery has really not been that bad at all... so much better than I expected!
We stayed in the hospital Tuesday night, Wednesday, Thursday and then came home Friday afternoon. On Thursday they started asking if we were ready to head home, but neither of us were really feeling quite ready yet. I was still having a lot of bleeding (not from the incision, just normal post-pregnancy bleeding), was trying to get my pain under control, and we just weren't ready to not have help at our disposal. But by Friday, we were ready to head home. Since then we've been doing well. The days are all a blur, but they are a wonderful blur of sweet baby cuddles and nursing. Lots and lots of nursing. His third day home he was cluster feeding and literally nursed a total of 20 times in one day. I often feel like breastfeeding is all I do all day long, but so far I truly haven't minded it. I am so thankful that we are able to do this and that he seems to be getting all he needs from his feedings. It's another thing I was anxious about (not being able to breastfeed), so I'm very grateful for how smoothly it's going.
Phil has proven to be the most amazing daddy and husband you could ever imagine. I already knew he was an amazing husband, but I have been blown away by his immediate love for little Charlie. He is amazing with him, and jumped right into taking care of his (and my) needs. I am a lucky gal to be married to such a sweet, sweet man.
I find it hard to believe that Charlie has already been with us for 5 days, and know that time is not going to slow down any time soon. I'm doing my best to cherish every moment... even the sleepless nights. This is what I waited SO long for, what I literally ached for with all of my being, and now that it's finally here, it truly feels like I am dreaming. I feel so blessed by this adorable, perfect little human in my life and can't wait to see where the future takes us. I just keep singing John Lennon's song, "Beautiful Boy", over and over in my head and out loud to sweet Charlie. He truly is the most beautiful boy I've ever seen.
